Sunday, December 7, 2008

Lottery Ticket There is a group of people at work who put their money together to buy lottery tickets, with a plan to share the winnings. In my kindly, grandfatherly way, I try to give them guidance by ridiculing them and laughing at them. I point out to them that they have a better chance of all being hit by lightning.

Sometimes when the potential winning pot grows to over a 100 million dollars or so, they will have discussions about how they will spend the money when they win it. I join in these conversations with enthusiasm. When they point out that I have no chance of winning since I never buy a ticket, I just laugh and explain that there is no statistically significant difference between my chance of winning and their chance of winning.

The day after Thanksgiving my wife and I went to the post office to mail some lesson responses and send a few Bibles to some new students. When we pulled into the parking lot there was barely a slot left. I stayed in the car to keep it running because we have been having some battery problems lately

As she was getting out, I noticed she was taking the Bibles. I told her, "Don't bother to stand in a long line to mail the Bibles. They can wait until next week, and I don't want to sit out here for a long time with the car running."

She said, "You never know."

Gesturing towards the full parking lot, I said, "Well, if you can walk right up to the counter and mail them, do so, by all means. And while you are at it look down and pick up the winning lottery ticket off the floor for me."

She closed her door and then immediately leaned over to pick something up off the ground. She smiled, laughed, and slapped the windshield. When she took her hand away I was looking at a lottery ticket laying on my windshield. I did not have much time to mull it over, because I was distracted by all the people getting in their cars and leaving, and she returned to the car very soon with the Bibles mailed.

When we got home we tried to figure out if it was worth anything by going to the Lottery Tennessee web site. It looked to be worthless. But it still made a good story to share with my friends at work, so I took the ticket to work with me. I told them it proved that I was right about having just as good a chance of winning as they did. Since I told them it was not a winning ticket, the more mathematically challenged among them still doubted. One of them looked at the ticket and told me I was wrong about it being worthless. It is worth $5. Does not matter. I'm keeping the ticket. Its worth more than $5 just as a sermon example.

I keep hoping one of them will ask me to explain, but they never do. They believe as long as they don't spend up their family's rent money, as some people do, that there is nothing wrong with gambling. They say it is no different than any other form of inexpensive entertainment. Actually, I'm very careful not to argue with people at work when my point of view might be construed as condemning them. Unless they say something that makes me believe they really want to hear my opinion.

"But wait," you say, "what about your kindly, grandfatherly ridicule mentioned above? Isn't that giving them your opinion? Isn't that condemning them?" Not at all. I am simply sharing mathematical truth with people who obviously do not know it. I do not feel I have a responsibility to straighten out the whole world, but when I see my friends tossing dollar bills in the trash, I can not help but laugh at them. Out loud. With belly shaking. In a kindly Santa sort of way, of course.

In my opinion, they are not buying entertainment at all. They are buying hope. Hope is supposed to come from God. Not some lottery idol.

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Saturday, December 6, 2008

To party or not to party, that is the question. My dear wife brought up some interesting questions on her blog.  How do you feel about non-Christians celebrating Christmas? How hypocritical is it to celebrate various holidays outside their "true" meaning? Would you celebrate Moslem holidays if you lived in a Moslem country?

The short answer is, "I don't know." A few things to consider which may be a little hard to understand because my tongue is in my cheek at least part of the time:

I take off each and every Labor Day that I possibly can and have for most of my life. I certainly do not believe Labor Unions are something to celebrate. Should I refuse those holidays from work and insist on working? Am I now to have a crisis of conscience at the beginning of each September?

Although they have taken on Christian meanings some of the Christmas traditions began during the Norse celebrations of their god Thor at Winter Solstice. How does that fit into this issue?

While it is true the wise men gave gifts to the infant Jesus, how that morphed into people giving presents to each other is not exactly clear, at least to me.

I remember some Christian non-celebrators of Christmas criticizing me for dressing up like Santa Claus to hand out some presents to some children. I may not really understand where the line is between standing up for what you believe, and being a party pooper, but I'm sure they were the latter.

I do not celebrate the birth of Christ. I celebrate that the birth of Christ demonstrates that God keeps His promises, has awesome power, and gives unlimited love. My joy is so complete, that I do not care who comes to the party or why, as long as they smile, sing, laugh, and have a good time.

A little irony for good measure Before they down graded St. Nicholas (Santa Claus) from saint status, today was St. Nicholas day on the Catholic calendar. The Christmas tradition of hanging stockings came from something he did. He would go around on Christmas Eve and put candy in the children's wooden shoes in Holland, where he lived. (They customarily left their shoes outside to keep from tracking mud in the house.) Although he started out just in his own town, not too many Christmas mornings passed before candy and sometimes toys were appearing in the shoes of children all across Holland.

Miraculously, even after St. Nicholas was dead and buried, the candy and toys would still appear in the children's shoes before they awoke on Christmas morning. Even more miraculously when Dutch people moved to America and quit wearing wooden shoes the candy and toys appeared in the children's socks, where they had left them to dry by the fireplace. This miracle spread from the Dutch to other people until now it happens all over the world. The miracle of the love of Jesus just continues to give and give. Isn't it amazing?

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Sunday, November 30, 2008

Answers to the Christmas quiz I posted earlier:
1. We know from the Bible that Jesus was born on December 25. False. Not until the 4th century A. D. did the celebration date settle on the 25th. Other dates were accepted before then. Scripture does not supply us with a date.

2. Joseph's family was from what town? Bethlehem. See Luke 2:3-4.

3. How does the Bible say Mary and Joseph traveled to Bethlehem? The Bible doesn't say how they traveled.

4. Who told Mary and Joseph to go to Bethlehem? Caesar Augustus. See Luke 2:1,4. "a decree from Caesar Augustus"

5. What did the innkeeper tell Mary and Joseph, according to the Bible? An inn-keeper is not mentioned in the Bible Christmas story. They could have heard it from anyone, or they could have seen a "No Vacancy" sign. See Luke 2:7.

6. What is a manger? A manger is a feeding trough for animals.

7. Which animals does the Bible say were present at Jesus' birth? The Bible doesn't specify any animals, but since they were staying in a barn, there probably were some.

8. Who saw the "star in the east?" The wise men did. They were not called kings in the Bible. See Matthew 2:1-2.

9. How many angels first spoke to the shepherds? One angel first spoke and was later joined by a host. See Luke 2:8-14.

10. What "sign" were the shepherds told to look for? A "babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger." See Luke 2:12.

11. What did the angels sing to the shepherds? The angels did not sing, they spoke. See Luke 2:13-14.

12. How many wise men came to see Jesus? No one knows how many wise men there were. The three gifts gave rise to the understanding that there were three gift-givers, but the tradition of three "kings" with the names Caspar, Melchior, and Balthazar, comes only from tradition. At one time, "tradition" said there were as many as 14

13. Where did the wise men find Jesus? The wise men visited Jesus in a house. Most scholars think it was many months after His birth before the wise men arrrived. See Matthew 2:11.

14. Where do we find the Christmas story told in the Bible? The Christmas story is told in Matthew 2:1-23 and Luke 2:1-40.

15. What is the triangular shape of the Christmas tree symbolic of? The triangular shape of the Christmas tree is symbolic of the Trinity.

16. Christmas colors are red and green. What are they symbolic of? Red is for the blood of Christ which makes us pure. Green is for the eternal life Christ gave to us by his death on the cross.

17. What does the X in Xmas stand for? X in Xmas stands for the cross where Christ died for our sins.

18. Explain why holly is used as a Christmas symbol. Red and green are explained in number 16 above. The sharp pointy edges of the holly leaf remind us of the crown of thorns that Jesus wore upon His head at the crucifixion.

19. What is Frankincense and why was it given to Jesus by the wise men? Frankincense is incense with sweet smell used in worship. The Bible does not say why they gave it, but it is taken by many as symbolic of His divinity.

20. What is Myrrh and why was it a given to Jesus by the wise men? The Bible does not say why. Myrrh is an aromatic gum resin which oozes from gashes cut in the bark of a small desert tree known as the dindin tree. The gashes remind us of His wounds suffered for us. Myrrh is used in embalming. It was not an unusual gift for an infant, especially from older relatives. It would be saved for their funeral. It was sort of like grand parents buying life insurance for a grand child when it was born. The myrrh reminds us of the death He died for us.

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Friday, November 28, 2008

Thanksgiving Feast I had a very pleasant day with my family yesterday. It was really nice to just sit and enjoy their company. It finally got cold enough to start a fire in the fireplace and for the first time ever my team won at Outburst. There was also a good chilren's fantasy movie we watched together. After supper tonight, there was only a little of the fruit salad left over, so I added a cut up bannana which about doubled my half and topped it with vanilla yogurt. It was wonderful. I have yummies in my tummy.

What is your Christmas IQ? This is a quiz we are sending our students with their lessons for the next couple of weeks. I put the answers on the back for them, but you must wait until my next blog posting.

1. (True or False) We know from the Bible that Jesus was born on December 25.

2. Joseph's family was from what town? (Bethlehem, Jerusalem, Nazareth, Nashville or where?)

3. How does the Bible say Mary and Joseph traveled to Bethlehem? (Camel, Donkey, Walked, Joseph walked & Mary rode a Donkey, or what?)

4. Who told Mary and Joseph to go to Bethlehem? (An angel, Mary's mother, Herod, Caesar, God in a dream or who?)

5. What did the innkeeper tell Mary and Joseph, according to the Bible?

6. What is a manger? (stable, storage bin, feeding trough, barn, baby crib or what?)

7. Which animals does the Bible say were present at Jesus' birth? (Cows, sheep, goats, donkeys, Reindeer, lions, tigers, bears, elephants, lambs, or what?)

8. Who saw the "star in the east?" (kings, shepherds, Mary & Joseph, or who?)

9. How many angels first spoke to the shepherds?

10. What "sign" were the shepherds told to look for? (A star in the sky, a baby that doesn't cry, a Christmas tree, a baby in a stable, or what?)

11. What did the angels sing to the shepherds ("Joy to the World, the Lord is Come", "Glory to God in the highest", "Unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given", "Glory to the newborn King" or what?)

12. How many wise men came to see Jesus?

13. Where did the wise men find Jesus? (manger, stable, house, palace, hotel, or where?)

14. Where do we find the Christmas story told in the Bible? (actual telling of the story, not prophesy, reference or allusion.)

15. What is the triangular shape of the Christmas tree symbolic of?

16. Christmas colors are red and green. What are they symbolic of?

17. What does the X in Xmas stand for?

18. Explain why holly is used as a Christmas symbol.

19. What is Frankincense and why was it given to Jesus by the wise men?

20. What is Myrrh and why was it a given to Jesus by the wise men?

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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Thanksgiving challenge (continued) (If you do not know what this is about, see November 19th, 21st and 24th, below.)

(67) Snuggling
(68) Hugs
(69) Kisses
(70) Funny Jokes
(71) Good movies
(72) Intelligent conversation
(73) Our new couch
(74) Liberty
(75) Books and websites that help me study the Bible
(76) Internet search engines
(77) The good teachers I had
(78) The periodic chart of the elements - an elegant solution to a complex problem
(79) The pristine beauty of a geometry proof like the graphical demonstration of the truth of the Pythagorean Theorem
(80) My coat with pockets for everything
(81) My hats - if you are bald, you understand
(82) My lunch bag with compartments for everything
(83) Cartoons
(84) Starry nights
(85) Foggy mornings - there is something mystical/magical about them. We had one this morning
(86) Thunderstorms and rainbows
(87) Technology that allows asynchronous communication - writing, voice mail, e-mail, blogs
(88) Our little cabin in the woods even though we see it seldom
(89) Our trip to Orlando this year
(90) Our trip to visit Andy, Petra, et al this year
(91) Microwave ovens
(92) Warm oatmeal on cold foggy mornings
(93) Thanksgiving dinners
(94) Silverware and dishes
(95) My color blindness that allows me to see green sunsets
(96) The Writings of Jane Austen
(96) Water – I really like water. I enjoy drinking it. Probably what keeps me relatively healthy in the face of all my other bad habits?
(97) Missionaries carrying out the Great Commission in every corner of the world
(98) That I finally learned how to translate Greek into English
(99) The privilege of preaching the Gospel
(100) His loving kindness is everlasting

Have you finished your list yet?

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Monday, November 24, 2008

Thanksgiving challenge (continued) (If you do not know what this is about, see November 19th and 21st, below.) I have fifty left to go. To avoid duplication I read through the first fifty and was struck by a couple of things:

On #34 I said, "I am thankful for the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost also, but that is one itme on the list, not three." That was meant to be a comment on the fact that there is one God and only one God. However, in another sense He is all 100 items on my list, for without Him I would have none others.

Simlarly, I was struck by #1 and #2 my wife and the quickness of her hand's healing. How many other things on my list come from her and by her hand. My children, grand children, #4-18, to mention a few.
(51) I live in a magic castle. #33 Clean clothing appears in my dresser, #31 food appears on my dish,
(52) order and cleanliness surround me. These come from my wife's hand. Many of the others come from her indirectly or are enhanced by her participation in them in some way, like everything we do in the ministry.

My thankfulness for my children includes, but goes well beyond thankfulness for their existence. #4 to #9.
I'm so proud of each one of them, and so indebted to them for the things they do for me, for my wife, and for the ministry. Similarly, my grandchildren's existence #10 to #18 is just the beginning of what I am thankful with regard to them. Each one of them is a source of pride and joy in what they say and do.

(53 & 54) I have two new computer games I like to play. Ink ball and Chess Titans. This from our new computers #20

(55) We added new teacher since I wrote #21 & #50

#22 & #25 combine to give me four more.
(56) I do not have cystic fibrosis like one of the people I car pool with. She has a five year old little girl that she will probably never see grow up.
(57) I have her good example of courage and cheerfulness in the face of premature death.
(58) I do not have to wear hearing aids to hear, like one of the people I car pool with. They are expensive, uncomfortable, aggravating, and do not work as well as could be hoped.
(59) I do not have diabetes like the third member of the car pool. If I want a doughnut, I eat a doughnut.

(60 & 61) I wrote thankfully about the new men who will be able to come to worship service and the women who have enrolled in the courses but I did not number them on the list.

We not only have a place to live, #27, we have a nice place to live.
(62) Our balcony overlooks the playground so we can watch our grandchildren play.
(63) We can watch a babbling brook populated with fish and water fowl from our living room.
(64) The lawn gets mowed without any thought or effort on our part.
(65) When something breaks, we just call someone to come and fix it. We do not get billed.

(66) #30 reminds me we have an excellent library system in this county. my wife can manage our service via the internet. She orders books and movies from them all the time. If the local library does not have it, they ship it there, let her know when it arrives, and all she has to do is go pick it up.

More to come …

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Sunday, November 23, 2008

Christmas List E-mail I got this e-mail and was expected to forward it. I was supposed to change the answers to my own and forward it to a bunch of other people. I don't forward e-mails, so I changed the answers and posted it here instead.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Skip the drama and hand it to me.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Potted plant

3. When do you put up the tree? Whenever we get the grand kids to come help.

4. When do you take the tree down? Never. I'm not sure how that happens?

5. Do you like eggnog? Yech! Argh! No.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Tricycle

7. Hardest person to buy for? Older people

8. Easiest person to buy for? Kids

9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Either, just don't ignore me.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? None have been bad enough to be characterized as worst.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Bachelor Mother, Miracle on 34th St and/or Scrooge

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? December

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No, of course not. Only to passing acquaintances for whom I was socially trapped into getting them something, or anyone else I forgot until the last minute. Well, OK then, yes.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Chocolate covered cherries

16. Lights on the tree? Yes. And everywhere else, too, as long as someone else has to put them up.

17. Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night to listen to. What Child is This to sing.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay at home, unless we don't, and then I like that better.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Let's see? Hmmm. There is Rudolph, Donner, Bambi, Dopey, and Sneezy. How many is that? Is it Dancer or Dasher? Dancer, I think. Dancer, Prancer, and Cancer. No, that's a constellation or disease or something. Meteor? It is some sky thing. Comet? Maybe. Cupid? No, that's Valentine's day. Vixen? No, that is a female fox, not a reindeer. Blitzen? No, that is a German warfare term, isn't it? Donder and Blitzem? That means Thunder and Lightning in German, but I'm sure they are not right. Well, they are sky things, anyway. Hmmm. I guess I can't.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel. The star goes above the Nativity scene.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? I want mine the previous summer.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Traffic

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I like variety, a lot of variety

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? I'm more about quantity than selection.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Nothing. I wonder how I would feel if that is what I really got.

26. Who is most likely to respond to this? My daughter-in-law

27. Who is least likely to respond to this? Me, and yet here I am.

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Friday, November 21, 2008

Thanksgiving challenge (continued) (If you do not know what this is about, see November 19th, below.) I sent an e-mail to a few of my co-workers challenging them to come up with 100 things they are thankful for. Several of them sent me replies encouraging me that it was a good idea. One of them said the first three items on her list were "the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost."

(34) I am thankful for the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost also, but that is one item on the list, not three.
(35) One of the ladies at work had her house burglarized last week. Is it terrible of me to be thankful my house was not burglarized?
(36) I'm thankful for cell phones.
(37) I'm thankful for my flat screen monitor I have at work.
(38) I'm thankful that I can see a window from my seat at work. It is about fifty feet away, but I can at least see a patch of sky.
(39) The person who had my cubicle before me left a roll around mat under the chair. Most people around my work place do not have one.
(40) I'm glad there are three people who will meet with me once a week to study translating Biblical Greek.
(41) My manager is a Christian.
(42) A guy who left my work place recently tried to hire me at his new company. That was very flattering.
(43) There are dozens of people, mostly inmates, who want to study the Bible with us.
(44) It has been a long time since I have been a victim of even a minor crime.
(45) This has been a very beautiful, colorful, fall.
(46) The people we left behind when we quit ministering at the hospital are still on friendly terms with us.
(47) One of the people I car pool with keeps us organized with a calendar she publishes once a month.
(48) I got a notice in the mail that said it was time to get my eye glasses prescription checked. My old glasses still work fine. In fact, the ones before that still work fine, too, except the lens are held in place by scotch tape. I keep them next to my computer at home.
(49) My managers for four levels up all treat me with respect and appreciate my work. I've never met the ones above that.
(50) God has supplied our ministry with everything we have needed – good volunteers, Bibles, office equipment and supplies, postage, etc.

More to come …

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Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Shack by William P. Young. I read this book last week. If you plan to read it, you may not want to read the following.

What I liked about it: It's main focus and themes were a loving relationship with God, loving each other, and forgiveness. I liked the stereotype busting personification of the Trinity, although I would have had the sassy black mammy be the Holy Ghost instead of God the Father. God the Father I would have portrayed something like a young Samurai warrior. I thought Young's characterization of Jesus was fine. By using this device, Young forces his readers to really consider why they have the conception of God that they do. It was well written for the most part and expressed some profound truths in ways I now wish I had written down. There was one particular place where Young drew the distinction between forgiveness and restoration of trust that was very well said, but I can't find it now.

What I did not like about it: I do not expect everyone to agree with me on every doctrine, so I was prepared to suspend judgment. It was Young's book, it is only right that it should express his point of view, not mine. However, when it got to the meeting in the darkness with Sophia, the spirit of Wisdom, I was too disappointed to enjoy the rest of the book. The main character, Mack, is made to believe it is up to him to decide the ultimate fate of his children. Some are to go to hell and some to heaven. He falls on his face and begs that he be sent to hell in their place.

I felt like I had been slapped. First of all, God would not lie to someone and make him believe that he had such a choice. Second, it showed a fundamental lack of understanding on Young's part of the nature of hell. People sometimes love each other enough to die for each other, but no one who understands what hell is, would volunteer to go to it in someone else's place. By making such an offer Mack made idols of his children, preferring them over God. Hell is where you go to suffer a permanent broken relationship with God, but Mack was willing to go there for his children's sake. His willingness to go there demonstrated that hell is what he deserved. However, Young portrays this moment as Mack waking up to the truth, when in fact he was displaying abysmal ignorance and/or idolatry.

I can not love my children, my wife, or anyone else properly and sincerely without loving God above all else. If I were willing to go to hell in their place, who would I be loving more, them or God? From that point on, the little doctrinal differences that I was overlooking, began to weigh heavy on my mind. You can find lists of doctrinal problems on the internet. Dr. Youseff lists thirteen at http://blogforbooks.com/archives/2008/09/07/the-shack-revisted-with-dr-michael-youseff-janet-parshall/ I agree with 8 or 9 that Youseff mentions, but not with the same passion he does. Now that a few days have passed I realize that I probably wouldn't care so much about them, if it wasn't for the big glaring one, I talk about above. That one thing soured me on the whole book. My favorite Christian author is C.S. Lewis and I do not agree with him on everything either. I hate what he did with Susan in The Last Battle and I am certainly not going to become an Episcopal like Lewis. However, I can recommend Lewis's books, but I can not recommend Young's The Shack.

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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Thanksgiving is next week Last year the challenge was to come up with a list of 100 things you are thankful for. My intention this year was to come up with 100 things not on last year's list. But now that I have forgotten what was on last year's list, I do not think I want to do that anymore. Instead, I'm going to try to think of 100 things without looking at last year's list and then see how many are the same and how many are different.

I'm thankful for (not in any particular order):
(1) my wife's hand healing so quickly
(2) my wife
(4-9) My children
(10-18) My grand children
(19) Many other love relationships in my life
(20) Our new computers
(21) The teachers helping us answer correspondence courses
(22) I did not get sick with one or more sinus infections this fall like I usually do
(23) The lady translating the correspondence lessons into Spanish
(24) The three ministers who go to the jail with us for worship service
(25) The three people I car pool with
(26) Having a job
(27) Having a place to live
(28) Cars that run
(29) Reading aloud with my wife
(30) The books on my books shelves
(31) Food to eat (Remember, I said no particular order)
(32) Clothing to wear
(33) Clean clothing to wear
More to come...

How are you coming on your list?

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Sunday, November 9, 2008

First John 4:7 This week we translated 1 John 4:7 in Greek class. It was one of those rare cases where I feel justified in disagreeing with the experts. The King James for instance translates it as "Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God." The modern versions which I checked pretty much all agreed with this translation.

My issue is with the segment "Let us love one another, for love is of God." The phrase "Let us love" is in the Subjunctive mood in the Greek. Perhaps I am parading my ignorance, but I can not see how an exhortation to love matches either the grammar or the context. The entire passage is informative in nature; not an exhortation at all. The mood of the verb would be better translated "If we love." John does exhort elsewhere in the book for us to be loving but here he is talking about the nature of love.

I think it should be translated, "Beloved, if we love one another, it is because love is from God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God." Instead of a command, he is informing us that we can take no pride in loving others. Loving others is not something we give God. Loving others is something God gives us.

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Friday, November 7, 2008

What time is the meeting? Our intrepid management team meets daily at 3:00 for planning the night's production cycle. It is called "The 3:00 Meeting." They also have standard meetings throughout the week for specific purposes. I do not know what their purpose is because all I have ever heard them called in the three years I have been here are things like "Ken's 4 o'clock" or "the Thursday 10 o'clock."

Because of a major project these meetings have been being rescheduled a lot the last few weeks. It is not unusual to hear sentences uttered like, "Are we having the 3 o'clock meeting a 2:30 all next week?" or "What day are we having the Thursday 10 o'clock meeting?" or "What time is Ken's 4 o'clock meeting?" What is even funnier is I have been hearing this for several weeks and did not notice until this morning.

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Friday, October 31, 2008

Some quotes:

"If Christianity was something we were making up, of course we could make it easier. But it is not. We cannot compete, in simplicity, with people who are inventing religions. How could we? We are dealing with fact. Of course anyone can be simple, if he has no facts to bother about." (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, p. 165).

Blogging - Never have so many, with so little to say, said so much, to so few.

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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Another fun filled meeting I went to another meeting and took some notes to share. Here is what went right about the meeting, followed by some suggestions for improvement.

What went well:

There was another group of people there to use the same room. I learned a lot about negotiating watching them decide, who was going to get which room. This also delayed the torture for five minutes.

They forgot to bring a power cord for the projector. This delayed the torture for another five minutes while they located a cord.

The meeting was scheduled in such a way as to delay everyone from having lunch on time. This lifted the mood of those in attendance and enhanced the overall feeling of camaraderie.

The charts, stored on a computer in Atlanta or someplace, were sent via internet connection to the local projector. When projected they had type too small to be read from the back of the room, especially when projected against a colored wall instead of a white screen. This relieved the people in the back of the room of the responsibility of following what was being said.

No copies of the charts were provided thus providing everyone relief from the responsibility of remembering anything that was said.

The projected computer charts were too big for the computer screen. The presenter had to scroll up and down and side to side so the audience was not only lost and confused but sea sick. This gave us the feeling of having been on an ocean voyage. It was wonderful. Just like a trip to Bermuda or somewhere.

The computer processes being depicted used labels found internally in the computer program (like MRSQ500) instead of descriptive names that normal people could understand. This allowed the presenter to appear knowledgeable and escape the possibility of anyone correcting his errors. Well, I should say "sound" knowledgeable since the presenter phoned into the meeting.

In some rare instances English descriptions were added, but they used a font so small that even the people in front could not read them. This relieved even the people in front from the responsibility of following what was said.

The lights were turned off thus relieving anyone from the responsibility of taking notes or staying awake.

Someone laid a piece of paper over the cooling vent on the projector. This caused it to overheat and automatically turn itself off. Since the presenter was unaware of this he droned on as if people were looking at the charts just as they appeared on his computer screen. Everyone was too polite to mention it to him.

Since the presenter was not in the room those who were still awake were able to have side conversations without disturbing the presenter's train of thought, if he had one.

Suggestions for improvement:
(Obviously some of these are mutually exclusive)

Have a room large enough for everyone who attends

Project the charts on the ceiling so we can lay down on the floor to look at them. This would make it easier to fall asleep.

Have doughnuts. In fact, have an entire food bar with a variety of dishes so that those who are having a late breakfast as well as those having an early lunch will both find needful items

Have everyone take turns being in the room pretending to listen to the presenter. In this particular meeting we could have covered the time, if each of us attended just 9 minutes and 13.84614 seconds.

Have exercise breaks led by a professional trainer

Show a good movie instead of the charts

Make an audio recording of people whispering, paper shuffling, pens scratching, chairs moving, yawns, and snores. Instead of anyone attending the meeting play the recording. This would give the presenter the idea people were in the room without actually wasting anyone's time.

Have a clown enter the room at random times and dump a bucket of water on someone who is asleep. (Or awake would be OK too, just for variety)

Have a hair cut and manicure while you are sitting there, so that your time is not completely wasted

Use the white board to play Pictionary

Have a "who has the baldest head" contest. Whoever wins gets to leave.

Have a secret word that if anyone says it, a rubber chicken falls down from the ceiling, and dangles an inch from their nose

Write action items on index cards and deal them out at random instead of assigning them to the responsible party who purports to have the necessary expertise.

Restrict all meeting times to 10:15 to 10:45 A.M. on second and fifth Thursdays in months whose names do not begin with J, end with R or include an A.

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Saturday, October 25, 2008

"Mercy Even Colder Than Justice" G K Chesterton said this in a Father Brown story we read recently. It put into words something I have been thinking about for some time. It came to mind again when I was having a political discussion with a liberal on-line a little while ago. People who think government hand out programs are a good idea have not spent very much time around the people who are the recipients. I use that word recipient loosely. They get a lot more than is good for them, and a lot less than they need.

Take food stamps for instance. Seems like a good idea. Help hungry, poor, people get food. What could be wrong with that? Do they help hungry, poor, people get food? Sometimes. If they stay in one place long enough to jump through the official hoops necessary to qualify for them and receive them. That should salve the conscience of the people who support these ideas. Give them food stamps but do not get near them. They might have some bugs or dirt or something. Feed them but don't help them to become people who feed themselves. So nice. I've come to believe programs like this are designed to keep the recipients dependent. It is all so cold and bureaucratic. And it does not really work all that well. If it did, there would be no need for Second Harvest Food Bank and similar organizations.

The liberal did have one good point. Many people need more education. I wanted to suggest a couple of web sites to him that teach critical thinking skills, but I did not think they would actually get visited. People who admit they do not understand how our system works should also volunteer to not vote.

The full quote is from the Secret Garden. "He was one of the great humanitarian French freethinkers; and the only thing wrong with them is that they make mercy even colder than justice." Argh!

Friday, October 24, 2008

More Meeting Notes I went to another wonderful meeting today. The only note I took said, "OMG, I'm beginning to understand some of the acronyms." I was able to refine my previous phrase list a bit. Most of it is the same, but I think you might find the enhancements and changes amusing. I replaced the old one in my post below for October 8th.

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Thursday, October 23, 2008

Time flies. It has been almost a week since my last post. Busy, busy, busy makes the time go by. Here are several paragraphs about what I have been doing related to each other only by their contribution to the contents of the last sentence.

I completed Bible Correspondence lessons on Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations and Ezekiel this month. I finished Ezekiel today. All I lack is Daniel and I‘ll have the Bible course on the Major Prophets done. I have a couple of guys that have about finished everything else we have to offer, so I need to get it done.

We went to a Seventh Day Adventist (SDA) church this past weekend. One of my students just got out of jail, and I wanted to encourage him to get involved in Christian fellowship some place. I am convinced that is one of the most important things for them to do if they are going to avoid going back in. His wife attends that church, so it seemed the logical choice to encourage them to attend together. I have always thought SDA were Christian, but just a little off, or legalistic or something. I’m not so sure now. Sunday school was about how the angel Michael is really Jesus. In church we discovered that Ellen G. White, their principle founder, was visited by an angel of light when she was writing her books, which still guide their doctrine. Isn’t that the same place Mohammed and Joseph Smith got their information?

Now that the weather is cooler, I am going to be able to start using my blue car to car pool. When it has been my turn to drive, I have been taking the green car that my wife usually drives, because the blue car’s air conditioner does not work. I was informed by my wife that my fellow car poolers might not be happy when they arrived at work dirty, so we took the blue car over to my older daughter’s house to clean it. my wife cleaned the inside while my grand daughter and I cleaned the outside. My grand daughter did very well. She only sprayed me once with the hose. Her remorse seemed genuine, so I am inclined to think it was not intentional. It looked nice and shiny when we got done. The next day when I got back home from work, as I was getting out of my car, one of my neighbor’s asked me if I had gotten a new car. I told him it had been parked out there for almost three years. He said he had never noticed it before. Then I realized it was because it was the first time I had washed it. I guess I need to clean it more often.

From Monday night to Wednesday morning we were caught up on answering lessons. Then my wife went to the PO Box. We are not caught up anymore. God has really blessed us with people who want to study the Bible with us. That is a very good thing.

I voted today. The line was short. I was in and out in less than 15 minutes. The new computer system takes a little getting used to, but my wife had warned me, so I got through it OK. How do we know they don't just program the computers to give them the results they want? That would be a lot easier to do with computers than voting machines. I know there are people with their eye on that. There are Democrat and Republican watchers preventing fraud of that kind. But if the Democrats and Republicans conspired to split most of the independent votes evenly between them, how would we ever know? Ugh. Let us think of better things.

When my son-in-law installed my new computer he gave me dual operating systems. I have both Vista and my old NT-4 system. That allows me to continue working in my old way, while I gradually learn how to use Vista. This post was composed, edited, and posted entirely with programs running under Vista. First time I have done much of anything entirely on Vista. Apparently my son-in-law guided me into buying a computer with enough horse power to run Vista. I'm not having any of the problems I heard about other people having. Of course, I've still only got my toe in the water. So far I like it pretty good. The positives outweigh the negatives.

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Friday, October 17, 2008

The Power of Corporate Prayer I am sitting here awed. I have been publishing a weekly prayer list since the middle of summer. I just finished sending out the one for this week. It goes to about 100 people. I'm amazed at how many prayers are being answered and puzzled at my amazement. Didn't I already believe in answered prayer? Surely I did.

Is it because so many are praying together? There is that promise in scripture. Matthew 18:19 "Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven." Maybe it is because I'm keeping a record of it, so I have more concrete evidence of it.

When I really think about it, there have been an amazing number of prayers answered in my life. I have listed five of the most remarkable at Answered Prayer (It was part of my argument with atheists last year.) Beyond that there have been many, many more, most of which I can not even remember.

Do you pray? If you do, you have probably prayed thousands of requests. How many did God answer? Whatever your response, I say He answered them all, except for the few that you are still praying right now, which He will answer. If He has not answered your prayers, why aren't you still praying for them? Either He gave you your desire, took away your desire or concern for them, or comforted and guided you through His refusal to give you your desire. I very much believe He only refuses us our desires, when fulfilling them would harm us. Our God is an awesome God.

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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Meeting Minutes Today, I went to one of those meetings I go to some times where I have no idea what is going on. There were 20 people in the room and the meeting lasted a grueling two hours. The meeting leader asked us to go around the room and give our name and area of expertise. The first person answered with their name and department name. Everyone else followed suit. So much for listening and cooperation, I guess. Not understanding the context of the meeting, I did the same as everyone else. If I had understood what the meeting was about I might have been able to mention an appropriate "area of expertise." Believe it or not, I do have several. They are just not related to anything we do around here.

The meeting purpose and meaning were hidden from me within a fog of acronyms and unfamiliar terminology. There were so many acronyms it sounded like someone was reading at random from scrabble tiles three or four at a time with prepositions and an occasional noun or other word in between. Some of the acronyms included numerals. A few of them were entirely numeric or were made up from a word and a number. Form 87 or Extract 834 or the like. The most frustrating ones were the ones that could be pronounced as if they were a word. For instance, the meeting was half over before I realized DEERS was an acronym rather than a term of affection. Also, acronyms that have other meanings familiar to me were a confusion factor. I'm pretty sure when they kept saying HMS over and over again that they did not mean, "Her Majesty's Ship." Since I did not know what the meeting is about I could be wrong. They could have meant Her Majesty's Ship, but since I heard nothing else remotely British or nautical, I think it is a safe assumption, that they did not.

Some of the nouns and other words used in between the acronyms included, entity, input, output, file, data, technically, update, slide, match, extract, format, window, system, viewable, monthly, weekly, daily, quarterly, database, subsystem. Knowing the meaning of these words did not help me understand them in the context of the acronym fog. Just for extra fun there was the frequent use of pronouns with no identifiable antecedent – us, them, it, etc. Of course the air conditioning unit causing the light fixture to vibrate noisily did not help. For some of the people in the room I would have liked to have been able to turn on closed captioning. For others, I would have liked to have had a mute button.

It was a very friendly meeting. The only sentence uttered that sounded like the speaker was upset was, "SDX is not Medicaid, it is Medicare!" Of course, you can easily see how someone would get upset over that. Or did he say, "SDX is not Medicare, it is Medicaid?" Hmm. I'll have to be careful if I ever bring that topic up around him.

About the first twenty minutes of the meeting seemed to be consumed by a discussion of what a five year old diagram (drawn by no one present) was intended to depict. I'm not sure whether this important point was ever resolved.

I found out half way through the meeting that we had other attendees listening through a speaker phone on the table. They never spoke but when one of them hung up the robot lady said someone had left the conference. I was also told that the meeting had been recorded on audio tape. I guess it was a very important meeting. I am thinking about getting a copy of the tape as a sleep inducing aid.

I watched the other people in the room since there was little else to engage my attention. I noticed that at first only 4 or 5 people did most of the talking. By the end of the meeting there were only 3 people who had not spoken at all. As people became more relaxed they not only talked more but began to relax their body language. One lady sneezed into the collar of her blouse. Another one held a portion of her hair above her head as high as it would go and stuck her tongue out sideways as far as it would go whenever she was thinking hard. These observations made me more self aware. When I am thinking hard I have a tendency to place my palm on the crown of my head with my fingers spread apart as far as the will go as if I am trying to pick a melon from the vine.

People did various things to amuse themselves. Several people doodled. One guy watched the stock market ticker on his lap top. (The Dow dropped another 200 points today.) Another one did a lot of text messaging on his telephone. He looked real serious. I hope everyone is OK. To amuse myself I wrote these notes out in long hand to be typed later.

There were a number of oft used phrases that puzzled me at first. I think I decoded some of them.

Do we need to add or subtract anything?
I thought: Have we completed the math quiz?
But it means: Is this portion of the discussion complete?

I would like to get clarification around …
I thought: I need additional details
But it means: I'm completely confused about …

Is there timing around that yet?
I thought: Has the firing sequence of the spark plugs been adjusted?
But it means: Does it (the antecedent of 'that') have a projected completion date?

Are we talking ______?
I thought: Are we talking in a language whose name is _______.
But it means: Are we talking about _______?

High level view
I thought: How things look from an airplane or tall building
But it means: I do not understand the details.

Going forward
I thought: Putting the car in a forward gear.
But it means: Let's not dwell on my mistakes of the past.

Transition process
I thought: I could construe no meaning at first
But it means: We are going to stop doing something and start doing something else.

Technical process
I thought: I could construe no meaning at first
But it means: How the computer system does it.

Business process
I thought: It could not have anything to do with business. We are a government "entity."
Still do not know what it means

Business model
I thought: (See above.) Also, I did think of a building block set I had as a kid with which I could construct model office buildings.
Still do not know what it means.

With that being said
I thought: What you said forms a foundation for what I am about to say
But it means: I do not understand what you said, but here is what I want to say.

Process flow
I thought: I could construe no meaning at first although a picture of a fast flowing stream came in my mind.
But it means: How we do things.

Knowledge Transfer
I thought: I could construe no meaning at first, although I did think of shipping encyclopedias by truck.
But it means: Communication

Data item
I thought: A piece of information stored in a computer system
But it means: Any piece of information

Breaking it down
I thought: Intentionally causing a malfunction
But it means: Explaining the details

I think I am hearing
I thought: I am beginning to sense sound waves
But it means: This is how I understand you

My take on that is …
I thought: the profit I realized from that is …
But it means: This is how I understand it …

All encompassing
I thought: Including everything
But it means: Including a large subset of …

Soft solution
I thought: Temporary solution
But it means: Something done with a computer system

Hard solution
I thought: Difficult solution
But it means: Something done without a computer system

Caveat to that
I thought: An exception to that
But it means: I disagree with that nonsense, but I'm trying to be nice about it.

Take this off line
I thought: Let's unplug the power cord
But it means: Let's continue this discussion outside of this meeting.

Once again
I thought: Repeating for emphasis
But it means: You idiot, didn't you hear me the first time, and I mean this in the nicest way.

Legacy system
I thought: A vendor's product (i.e. Oracle system, Sun system, IBM system, Legacy system)
But it means: The old computer system before the one we are currently using.

Please do not think, that you hear, that my successful decoding of some of the oft repeated phrases, means I gained some all encompassing understanding of the meeting as a whole. Breaking it down, nothing could be further from the truth. The caveat to that is that I have no intention of transferring such knowledge to you. I gained neither a high level view nor a business model of the meeting's purpose, import, meaning, or reason for being. However, with that said, going forward, I believe I will be able to get through the transition process unscathed, since I did not sign anything. The rest of what I have to say about the meeting I'm taking off line.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Last Service at Hospital Yesterday was our last worship service at the hospital. I was planning to preach on Ephesians 5:13 to 21 about redeeming the time because the days are evil. However, I wrote down Galatians instead of Ephesians. In chapel, after I started reading it I realized my mistake. I said a quick prayer and decided to just go with it, and preach on the Galatians passage. My wife and Paul (Paul is the guy replacing me as the preacher) said it was a good sermon. I suspect someone there needed to hear it.

The chaplain coordinator took us out to lunch at Logan's in Rivergate and several of the other chaplains joined us. It is nice to be appreciated. The chaplain coordinator is a funny guy, but when you try to describe his jokes, they come out sounding obnoxious. During one conversation he said when he was born he was so ugly the doctor slapped his mother. We laughed. Later we were recommending to everyone to go and see "Fireproof" at the movie theater to support the making of Christian movies. He said he would go during his wife's upcoming stay in the hospital to save money. I guess you had to be there. It was really funny in context. Honest.

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Thursday, October 2, 2008

October Surprise Now I know what this term means. I'm surprised it is October already. Wow. Where does the time go?

The end of a long trail – About three years ago I began working on some Sunday School lessons based on the book of Ephesians. Each lesson takes 5 verses and studies them in depth. I was about half done with it when we started doing the Bible Correspondence courses in March of 2007. I converted the lessons into a format we can use for correspondence courses. I figured I was sixteen lessons to the good and I could stay ahead of anyone taking the course. I was on lesson 21 when one of the students caught with me a week or two ago. Since then I have been making a concerted effort to get it done. Last night about 7:30 PM I finished lesson 32 on the last 5 verses in Ephesians. I feel good about it.

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